Sometimes they’re funny because they’re true

From The Onion, in case you weren’t already giddy today.

Rumsfeld: ‘My Half-Assed Job Here is Done.” Quote: President Bush expressed confidence that Robert Gates, his new nominee for Secretary of Defense, will be able to “fuck everything up the rest of the way.”

Republicans Blame Election Losses on Democrats.” Quote: “We have evidence of a well-organized, well-funded series of operations designed specifically to undermine our message, depict our past performance in a negative light, and drive Republicans out of office,”said Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman, who accused an organization called the Democratic National Committee of spearheading the nationwide effort.

Politicians Sweep Midterm Elections: Resounding Victories In All States, Counties, Cities, Towns.” Quote: After months of aggressive campaigning and with nearly 99 percent of ballots counted, politicians were the big winners in Tuesday’s midterm election, taking all 435 seats in the House of Representatives,retaining a majority with 100 out of 100 seats in the Senate, and pushing political candidates to victory in each of the 36 gubernatorial races up for grabs.

And some from the archives:

Last week: “Bush: Thousands Of Registered Democrats Needed For ‘Extremely Important’ Mission.”

August 11, 2004: “Kerry Unveils One-Point Plan For Better America.” Quote: WICHITA, KS—Delivering the central speech of his 10-day “Solution For America” bus campaign tour Monday, Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry outlined his one-point plan for a better America: the removal of George W. Bush from the White House. (yeah! Wichita!)

November 15, 2000: “NBC News Reverses Earlier Report of Gore’s Death.”

and my personal, prescient favorite, from January 17, 2001: “Bush: Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over.”

Everything on the politics archive feels funny right now.

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