Again, I assert my privilege, as a frequent coffee-shop visitor, to make up rules for the rest of the world.
RULE NUMBER THREE: No discussions, particularly at loud volume, of your recent and/or upcoming surgical procedures, particularly if they involve details of where and through what types of tissue the knives will be entering, any fluids you anticipate losing, and/or any detailed discussion of why exactly this surgery is completely necessary (i.e., “The pain in my X is just almost intolerable,” OR “Food really doesn’t agree with me,” particularly if you feel the need to finish that last sentence with in-depth details of the disagreement you and food are engaged in). Let’s save these talks for the couch at home, the landline telephone, the family e-mail. If you really, really need to tell your long-lost friend over coffee something about the results of your last stool sample, COULD YOU PLEASE save that information for a place where I’m not likely to be eating a chocolate donut?
This is all I ask. Common courtesy, people. Look it up.