Vote for sale

Right now, I would vote for any candidate who would come and rake my lawn.  I did the front today, so it’s not even that hard.  Maybe not national candidate, OK, but local, possibly even House race — you bet.  If the Pacific Green Party candidate was in my backyard tomorrow with a rake and some of those plastic lawn bags that look like pumpkins, I would totally change my vote.  I would go to the office at 10th and Lincoln, get a new ballot, and vote for that guy.  But I know he’s a chemist by trade, so he probably has other stuff to do.  (I’d extend the same invite to the Constitution Party candidate, but she was endorsed by the Oregon Firearms Federation, and something about that makes me afraid to find her in my backyard).

I would probably also make anyone who decided to trade lawn work for votes some bad coffee.  If it was a job really well done, or if it was Congressman DeFazio, I might break out the Starbucks beans and my new coffee grinder, but I feel there’s a high chance that my ineptitude with that little gadget might end up embarrassing us both.  (Also I used it to grind cumin seeds recently).   One of my major questions in electing a candidate: Can she or he operate a coffee grinder better than I can?1

I’m just about done with election season. That’s the summary, here.

1 That is not true.

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4 Responses to Vote for sale

  1. Pasquino says:

    A few things:
    1) You should get a mortar and pestle to handle your spice grinding. Then you won’t have cumin flavored coffee. It might be nice, I don’t know, but I somehow doubt it’s quite as exotic and tasty as one might hope. What’s more, it’s another kitchen gadget you can actually justify.

    2) I’m not sure using a coffee grinder is a matter of skill. It’s a coffee grinder and, as such, pretty binary. It’s either grinding coffee or waiting to grind coffee. Sure, the coffee snobs will tell you that you have to hold the button with 14.3 lbs of pressure for precisely 12.5 seconds, then follow with 4 0.78 second bursts to “fluff” the grounds, but, then, coffee snobs are coffee snobs because they’re too goddamned stupid to be smart about anything else. All this is to say I think you should not worry about your coffee-grinding skills and just grind.

    3) Hrm. I was going to make a comment about how people who belong to gun organizations tend to be much more trustworthy than random people who buy guns for “home protection.” But I read through the FAQ on the Oregon Firearms Federation page and decided that, while the OFF seems laudable in most of its goals (from my perspective, anyway), there are some chinks in the surface of their sanity. So I’ll just say that, unless they’re using an AK-47 to clear the leaves (which might be fun to watch, actually), you’d probably be all right. Maybe.

  2. Jenn says:

    1). Mortar and pestle would leave me with the same problem the grinder seems to leave me with: see #2. And there’s apparently an easy way to relieve the grinder of that spice flavor, which is to grind some rice in it for 30 seconds or so. I’m just very, very lazy.

    2). My problem isn’t the grinding pressure — it’s the amount of time. I can’t judge how long to grind so that I have the right size of ground up coffee. It always ends up as either dust or little chunks. Neither of which makes particularly good coffee.

    3). Yep, crazies.

  3. Pasquino says:

    hehe…yeah. Crazies indeed. But, and I’m feeling particularly large-hearted this evening, they’re crazies I understand and appreciate and wouldn’t want to do without.

    Coffee grinding…yeah. I figured it was the length and not the pressure. But that was an easy way to jab at you a bit. I don’t get to hang out with you too often these days, and it’s necessary that I remind you that I can be annoying at times. Especially when I’m being my most charming.

    Dunno what to tell you about length of grind. I usually grind until it’s pretty fine, mostly because finely ground coffee seems to work better in auto-drip than chunky. I can live with black sludge in the bottom of my cup. In fact, it makes me feel like a real man. Since I don’t have any guns or anything…

  4. Jenn says:

    Believe it or not, feeling like a real man is not my everyday coffee-drinking goal. Yardwork, maybe, but coffee…?

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