What Can I Lose?

I’m taking a few days off from the other blog, so I thought I could throw a little something up over here.  My mother is here for a visit, and today we started talking about my upcoming move.  I am already anxious about the actual packing, loading, and moving process, and the more we talked the worse I felt, until I said, “You know, I’ve thought of just getting rid of everything and moving in my car.”

Now my mom, whose spacial perception is waaay better than mine and who loves a packing challenge, is helping me figure out if I can just move back in my car.  The answer is probably yes, but it will involve selling 80 percent of what I own, shipping another 10, and packing my electronics into my car for a 2,000 mile trip in the dead worst heat of summer.

There are parts of this that I find appealing.  Starting over in Kansas might be a good way to go.  But it could also make a fall that promises to be full of unrelenting suck even worse, when I have to replace all the crappy little stuff that just makes life go, like plates.

I guess the problem is that I like the stuff I have now, but I don’t love it.  There are only a few things that I think I’ll keep long-term: the pots that my grandmother used to use to cook for her kids; the shelves I built with my dad; a few dozen books; a particularly good stapler; a hand-made comforter; my bamboo sheets; a raft of electronics.  The rest of it feels expendable, but it’s also a lot of stuff that I bought for a reason.  And I wonder how quickly the shiny, unencumbered feeling of a new start might turn and leave my new space feeling sparse and empty in an entirely unpleasant way.

Blah blah.  Not looking for advice on this at the moment, just… that’s what I’m up to.

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One Response to What Can I Lose?

  1. Star Straf says:

    If you were here before we left I could take you to garage sales and find much of the stuff

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